sauntereddownward | (no subject)

(no subject)

Crowley had been busy. He'd had a rather dastardly idea and with a bit of proper nudging of 'influencers' (whatever those were) and a quick trip to Reddit, he had a new viral sensation. It was sort of like the ice bucket challenge, except it didn't benefit any charities and instead involved putting hot sauce up the nose. It worried parents, caused a bit of harmless mayhem, and most of all...it tarnished the souls of all those who laughed at idiots' misfortunes.

Sure, it wasn't tempting a priest, but it was a laugh.

He sat in the autumn sun outside an interesting little tea shop. He had a steaming cup of a lapsang suchong blend that made the air smell like a campfire. A subtle scent under the cigarette smoke. Crowley was watching his mobile and chuckling along as another bloody idiot put hot sauce on a cotton tip and stuffed it up his nose and began to wail.

"People will do anything to be famous," he said to himself.

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"It really wasn't," Fin laughed softly, pressing a kiss to the tips of the other man's fingers.

Given how he was feeling, he could only imagine the ways Aziraphale would fall apart if he did it to him. He filed that away.

"Don't contradict me," he said.

"Or what?" Fin asked, teasing with a wicked grin. "You'll hiss at me?"

"I might," he replied...then did just that. His forked tounge flicked out and he called up the most Evil his he could.

Fin jumped, then laughed softly.

"Wow, intense," he laughed.

"Just imagine if I showed you my true face," he chuckled. "You'd wet yourself. So I'm not going to do it with you sitting on me."

"I like being scared," Fin admitted with a laugh. "...Well, the right kind of scared," he amended, reaching to touch the demon's hair.

"This isn't what you look like then?"

"Well...no, but yes. This has been my body for six thousand years, but I used to be a snake," he said. "With a lot of teeth."

"Really?" Fin asked curiously. "...Can I see?" he added, forgetting about sex for a moment.

"Are you sure? It really is horrific and I'm not certain you won't pee on me," he asked.

"I'm not going to pee," Fin promised with an awkward laugh.

"You remember you said that."

And in an instant Crowley showed him the face of a demon. Hundreds of sharp fangs dripping with venom filled a broad mouth. His eyes were wide as saucers and wholly amber, the slits even narrower than they had been. Black scales covered his viper head and his nose was only two small holes. He opened his mouth wide, hissing as he did.

And as quickly as his face had appeared, it returned to his much more comfortable human-like form.

It was a shock, certainly- But it was also sort of beautiful in a horrific way.

"And that's you. Real you, I mean?" the fae asked, settling in closer again.

"I was beautiful once," Crowley told him. "But that's what's left after falling into a burning lake of fire. Bad for your skin, that."

"Still beautiful," Fin assured him. "Perhaps in a less classical sense, but- Still beautiful."

"Flattered. You're a natural, appealing to my Vanity. If you ever find yourself out of a job I could use a man like you," the demon smirked.

"I don't flatter," Fin assured him. "I say what I feel."

He shifted closer again, feeling more comfortable now. "Tell me more about your friend, the one who wont sin for you," he pressed, curious to learn more about these new beings.

"He's an angel," he replied, as if maybe that wasn't clear. "He is a being of Love and Grace. He loves mankind so much. And he loves food. And good wine. And sleeping. He loves tea...and he loves books more than anything."

"And what do you love? Other than him, that is," the fae asked with a tiny smirk.

"I'm not sure I'm capable of love. But I do really like my car," he replied.

"No? Too hard for that, are you? You seem a bit soft to me," the fae teased.

"No..." he drawled, clearly unsure. "Love is His game. Lucifer loved him too much so I'm pretty sure that particular feeling was taken from all of us when we Fell," he explained.

"So it's just lust?" the pushed.

This was far less pleasant then having his fingers sucked on. He decided that right there.

"I don't think so. Lust is boring. Aziraphale feels like...coming home. I'm not sure that makes any sense to you. His Grace is intoxicating. And his eyes are, well, rather nice. And he has the most beautiful white wings..."

Fin raised a brow.

"Right, so you adore him, but it's not love and you're not trying to hit that. Right, totally believe you, man."